The Guilt Trip

A common experience most people have to deal with is guilt tripping. No, it’s not tripping out on a drug called guilt. It’s when somebody says something to you and then makes you feel guilty for doing whatever it is that you’re planning to do. For example, I encountered this kind of guilt tripping in an online conversation with a friend. I told her I was leaving a website that I didn’t like and she wrote me back, “If you leave, my depression might spin out of control.”

Guilt tripping is an emotionally manipulative behavior. Since someone can’t get another person to do what they want them, they guilt them into doing it. My friend threatened me with her mental health problems, so that I would stay on that site. Certain traditionalist Catholic priests do it all the time from the pulpit too – “If you walk out of this parish, you’re going to spend the rest of your eternity in hell.” Of course, they don’t put it quite that bluntly, but the guilt trip is always there.

In his book, Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh writes about a phenomenon known as Catholic guilt. The is the guilt that you feel when you are told over and over again that you have to make absolute satisfaction for your sins. Not only this, but the guilt is something you feel over every day actions. It’s called scrupulosity, but it’s something that is consistently reinforced by traditionalist Catholic clergy. I say traditionalist clergy because Pope Francis doesn’t do guilt tripping. He might make a snide remark here and there, but he’s not about the guilt.

The only way to deal with a guilt trip is to just let it go and forget about it. I’ve dealt with this phenomenon for so long that I finally learned to put my foot down. If someone tries to guilt trip me into doing something, I ignore them and do what I think is best for myself. I don’t allow myself to be emotionally manipulated into doings that I don’t want to do and which, ultimately, could be harmful to me.

For a long time, however, I was not an assertive person. I suppose you could say that I was a throw rug for other people to walk all over. When I got guilt tripped into doing something, I did it. Full stop. Only years later did I learn that it was okay to say no and to walk away from people who are harmful, but it’s not something is easy to do. Sometimes, there are friendships and other close relationships that are on the line, but it’s what I have to do to stay sane.

If you’re dealing with someone who sends you on a guilt trip, stand up for yourself and walk away. You don’t have to be crude or angry about it. You don’t have to even acknowledge what you’ve heard. Just don’t let it get to you. Continue doing what you’re doing and ignore it. If it gets to a point where you can’t stand it anymore, confront the person and walk away.